Welcome to the first edition of the Couch Sessions, in which Rock Shrink Lisa Thaler, LCSW, tackles the music career-related anxieties and fears of our readers.
This week’s e-mail comes from someone who’s struggling to strike a balance between art and his own expectations and ambitions.
Dear Rock Shrink,
My band recently broke up after some modest accomplishments, like getting a little bit of college radio play and opening for a band we admire. But those gains were more out of hard work than because of a large fan base, so I guess my first question is: how should an artist react when music that is meaningful to them is not meaningful to others? I know this might seem common, because everybody is attached to their music, but what if the music is above par?
The second question is how to deal with that sensation of the ticking time clock. Obviously, musicians have a much shorter time frame to try and make a living than do people in other careers. Is it normal, at 24 years old, to feel in a rush to beat the clock?
And my third question is how does one adjust to starting fresh and beginning the task of finding new people to write music with? What happens if there is writer’s block involved?
Any help would greatly be appreciated. I’ve been feeling pretty down about these things, and was hoping that someone had more of an answer than just to “not quit my day job.”
-Starting again?
Hi Starting Again, thanks so much for writing and congrats for getting your accomplishments based on hard work.
I’m so sorry to hear that this stuff has gotten you down. I guess my first question for you would be: Why did the band break up? Artistic differences (was your music meaningful to some of you but not all of you)? Personality conflict? Someone’s ego problems? Did you want the band to work out/stay together? Of course it is very Shrink-like to ask more questions rather than give answers, but these kinds of issues are VERY nuanced and multi-faceted; deeper questioning often can help to bring more information to light. Sometimes a band (like a relationship) should break up and sometimes what it takes to make it work (if that is what all parties want) is to figure out an alternative way to resolve differences: through talking it out, taking time away from one another or letting the music itself “do the talking.”
I think your question of how a musician should react when his/her music may not be meaningful to others resonates with most musicians: Is my music my art/creative expression or is it a business? If I’m writing something that comes from the depths of my soul, what happens if people don’t like it? Who am I writing this stuff for? Do I have to develop a thicker skin? I think it becomes a question of striking some balance between making music that is meaningful and expressive (and therefore has value because of that), and making music that will sell, if that is where you want your career to go. I remember hearing a Sheryl Crow interview many years ago in which she spoke about the song “All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun” from her first record. I’m not in a position to quote her directly, but the gist was that, even though it wasn’t her favorite song on the album, she was grateful for it because it got her noticed and started her on her musical path. Whether you call it selling out or making a very smart business decision, now she can write whatever she wants.
In answer to your second question, I suppose there is some validity to your anxieties about the “ticking clock,” but it is important to understand for yourself what your priorities are, and whether these priorities are influencing the sensation of the ticking clock. Do you want to be famous on a Justin Bieber level? Do you want to organically create music that you love? Which is more important? The answers to those questions may influence your sense of timing and how you go about doing what you want to do. They may also take a long time to answer.
Finally, it is a huge loss to have a band break-up (unless, of course someone in the group is being an asshole) and it’s important to remember that you’re not going to create the same mojo you had with your previous band, but you do have the opportunity to create new mojo (the end of the band Cream and the advent of Derek and the Dominos?). That said, starting up again is really hard; so is songwriting. Does your writer’s block come from the sting of the break-up of the band? From a fear of starting over? Could you write from that place (about loss, a relationship gone bad, unrequited love, etc)?
At a recent panel discussion at the New Music Seminar, Steven Van Zandt said that the first thing any musician should do before they do anything else is listen to their musical idols. So maybe, rather than focusing on the “time-is-ticking-away-and-how-fast-am-I-gonna-make-it” issue, take some deep breaths and get back to listening to the music that you love, and surrounding yourself with musicians who are good, considerate people. If you have the drive, the talent and the patience, then the music will come, and it will speak for itself. Then you can get back to marketing your ass off, building a fan base, and getting your music out there.
If you’d like to spend some time on the Couch, submit something for Thaler’s consideration here.
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